(1) THE UNMARRIED AND WIDOWED
(2) MARRIED BELIEVERS [that is, both husband and wife are believers]
(3) BELIEVERS MARRIED TO UNBELIEVERS

Let's study the instructions Paul gave to each of these groups, beginning with the "unmarried and widows": I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide [single] even as I. But if they cannot contain [control their desires], let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn [with lust](1Cor. 7:8-9).

Just here, God requires us, as ministers of His grace, to do some "rightly dividing the word of truth." For example, when the devil quoted Psalm 91:11-12, attempting to persuade Jesus to sin, what was Jesus's response to this subtle temptation? "Jesus said unto him, 'It is written again, "thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God"'" (Mt. 4:5-7). One should always be mindful of what is written again on the same subject, thus allowing one Scripture to illuminate another. For example, Paul does say it is better to marry than to burn with lust, but that is true only if the believer marries another believer. For Paul writes again on this subject that saints who wish to marry are to marry "only in the Lord." Paul is adamant on this point, as is every other man sent from God. He did not teach that it is better for young believers to marry just anyone rather than to wrestle with their natural passions. It is better to struggle with desire than to marry an unbeliever and welcome into your temple someone who is a stranger to your God. Jesus will always help you control your desires, and in time he will give you a mate after his own heart. And you will be thankful that you waited on God. But as you wait on him, child of God, know for a certainty that marriage to an unbeliever is sin, even if you can hire a Christian minister to perform a ceremony claiming to bestow God's blessing on it.

Now, to the second group, believers married to believers, Paul writes:And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, 'Let not the [believing] wife depart from her [believing] husband. But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled unto her husband; and let not the [believing] husband put away his [believing] wife', for the [believing] wife is bound by the law [of God] as long as her [believing] husband liveth. But if her [believing] husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord [This applies to husbands, too!] (1Cor. 7:10-11,39).

So, the clear rule for believing couples is, if they separate, remarriage is absolutely forbidden. There may be a reconciliation, but neither believer is permitted to marry anyone else. Of course, if one of them commits adultery or some other heinous sexual offence, the offended spouse is then free to sever the relationship altogether and is free to marry someone else (Mt. 5:32; 19:9). The Greek word for "adultery" in these verses from Matthew denotes, "every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse." Our word, "pornography" comes from this Greek word. The believer does not have to remain in a marriage in which children are being molested, diseases are being contracted, and infidelity occurs. Holiness is not contrary to good common sense. If one is being abused, one is free to leave.

Since Paul has dealt with the "unmarried and widows" in Group One, and with "believers who have believing spouses" in Group Two, we know to whom he is speaking when he says, "but to THE REST." For there is no one left for Group Three except "believers married to unbelievers". A believer should never marry an unbeliever, even though it does happen. Also, it sometimes happens that one of two unbelievers who is already married converts to Christ. In both cases, special instructions are needed in order to make clear the will of God for this unfortunate group in the body of Christ. To them, Paul says: But to the rest speak I, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the [believing] woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him (1Cor. 7:12-13).

At this time it becomes necessary to use some of those "it is written again" Scriptures, for God has not left it to us to determine which unbelieving spouse is "pleased to dwell with" a believing mate and which is not. We cannot, of course, simply take the unbeliever's word for it. God has given us guidelines by which we may determine whether or not an unbeliever is actually "pleased to dwell with" his believing mate. Paul wrote: "the [pleased-to-dwell-with] unbelieving husband is sanctified by the [believing] wife, and the [pleased-to-dwell-with] unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband; else were your children unclean. But now [since the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer] are they holy (1Cor. 7:14).

Paul's point is that if an unbelieving spouse is truly pleased with his or her believing spouse, he or she will also come to Christ and be sanctified. If a believer conducts himself in his marriage according to the perfect will of God, the unbelieving spouse will, at some point, make a change, either for God or against Him. If for Him, thank God for His mercy. If, however, the unbeliever rejects Christ and leaves, the believer is free. Paul said it this way: But if the unbelieving [husband or wife] depart, let him [or her] depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases (1Cor. 7:15).

Some have interpreted "bondage" here to mean that the believer is not required to perform the ordinary duties of marriage but is still married to the departed unbeliever and must never marry again. This is utterly untrue, as we may learn by seeing what is written again concerning marital "bondage." Paul wrote (Rom. 7:2-3): For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he liveth, but if he be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then, if while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if her husband be dead, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man."

Being "bound", then, means "unable to remarry." Saints are not "bound" to the marriage contract, if the unbelieving spouse departs. Now, this liberty should never be used as a means of escape from the responsibility to do one's utmost to bring the unbelieving spouse to Christ, for it is far better to lead the unbeliever to Christ than for any husband and wife to separate. The believer is free, yes, but, "God has called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?" (1Cor. 7:16).

The believer's responsibility is to do everything possible to win the unbelieving spouse to Christ. The desired end is the conversion of the sinner and a happy, holy home. It is extremely difficult for believers who are married to unbelievers to stay free in the Spirit; therefore, ministers should diligently strive to prevent such marriages. Nevertheless, as with the "princes and rulers" in ancient Israel, many leaders within the congregation fail to uphold God's standard concerning such marriages. Tragically for many young people, these leaders themselves often endorse and perform these ungodly marriages. In the light of the Word of God, such marriages are seen as evil and, as such, should be denounced. God's family, the body of Christ, needs men who, in humility and understanding, will stand for the truth and keep themselves and their flocks from becoming unequally yoked in marriage. For though we live in a world of spiritual darkness, "God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness," has also commanded us to shine as a light for those seeking a right understanding of the congregation's relationship with the world.

We are told by James, "The friendship of the world is enmity with God; whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God" (Jas. 5:5). Friendship usually precedes courtship, and courtship, marriage. Oh, how the tender heart of Jesus must long to see his assembly untangled from the sticky web of this world's cares and entertainments! "Happy is that people that is in such a case; yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord." Amen.